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Laying Down Tracks

March 4, 2009

. . .

railroad tracks in Swoope, Virginia

taken in October 2008

. . .

Tonight is the Ani DiFranco concert and I feel so unprepared.  Even though I’ve been anticipating it since January, the date seems to have snuck up on me.

In 2005 we left our daughter with my parents and drove all the way to Greensboro, NC to see Ani in concert.  I was bitterly disappointed by my body (swollen with breastmilk, unable to relax) and extremely frustrated by my husband (constantly commanding me, “Call your mom and ask her how they are doing.”)  I wanted to be present at the concert and feel connected to the music.  Instead I was distracted constantly by my obligations to my family.  It made me hate them.  And I was embarrassed and angry.  Plagued by fear that my marriage and motherhood were mistakes.

Then in 2007 we left our daughter and our son with my brother and went to Asheville, NC to see Ani in concert.  That experience was much better.  Both of my children were weaned.  My husband wasn’t so insistent about calling to check on them, and I was able to relax a little bit.  I wrote a summary of it for my blog and felt like the trip was worth our time.  Dinner was nice.  The streets downtown were really pretty.  Buddy Wakefield made us laugh.  But then after the concert we made the decision to wake our children up in the middle of the night and drive 5 hours from my brother’s house to ours.

Now in 2009 we have the chance to see her in concert again, and we only have to drive one hour to the Paramount Theater in Charlottesville.  We are leaving our children in the care of our neighbors.  I am nervous about whether or not we are going to have a good time.  We are going to be on the front row.  I think I have stage fright or something, as if it were my performance.  Please send some good thoughts our way tonight!

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7 Comments
  1. March 4, 2009 2:36 pm

    I hope you have a wonderful time! I know when I overthink the “trying to have a good time” thoughts I ruin the fun for myself… So take a deep breath and just push those demoralizing thoughts right out of your head. I’m hoping you will have a relaxing and refreshing time! All mommas need a little “grown up woman” time every once in a while- I’m glad you’re able to get away and relax! Enjoy!!

    Have you found a camera yet? If you haven’t just say the word and I will stick our old one in the mail- I still have your address. Please don’t hesitate if you would like to have it- it’s just gathering dust and cluttering up my house anyway– I’m very glad to share!

  2. rosiemolinary permalink
    March 4, 2009 3:17 pm

    I so get that– it’s not just performance anxiety but also this desire to have it be good because it’s such a pure thing for you and what if something– anything taints this thing that is so yours and so precious. It’s like buying something you really want– let’s say a doll- and then leaving it in the package because you’re scared you’ll ruin it if you take it out of the box. I think this one, though, is one you’ll take out of the box and just love. Enjoy! Can’t wait to hear about it soon!

  3. March 4, 2009 3:41 pm

    Have a wonderful time!

    I hope you both enjoy the concert a lot.

  4. March 5, 2009 8:58 am

    Here’s wishing you safe traveling, a peaceful mind, and a memorable experience!

  5. March 5, 2009 12:43 pm

    Thanks for your helpful well-wishes! We did have a good trip over the mountain, and enjoyed the concert.

  6. March 5, 2009 2:06 pm

    Just stopped by to say hi and let you know
    I was thinking for you!!

    HUGS!

  7. March 6, 2009 9:56 am

    I am glad you could relax and enjoy your outing. It is hard for me to let go and just enjoy those moments – I tend to spend every free moment deciding whether to call the sitter and check on the kids.

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